Friday, 5 October 2012


I don't believe in ghosts but when I received a call from The Voice HQ telling me to go to a secret location in Newport (Newport Market) to meet some ghost hunters I jumped at the chance. I told Eggsy and he wanted to come too as he was excited about the possibility of finding and killing a ghost.
 We had a quick pint before we went on our ghost hunt.

On tour we watch countless episodes of Most Haunted with hard smoking Liverpudlian Derek Acorah and his spirit guide Sam. We love it, it's one of the funniest TV shows ever and now we had a chance to recreate the show in Newport and Eggsy was going to be my spirit guide.
We arrived at the entrance to Newport Market by the Cross Keys pub with the sounds of Mustang Sally blasting out of it on the karaoke machine.
 Gareth (the head ghost hunter) with Eggsy.

 We were greeted by the key master and let through the iron gates. Newport market was closed for business but it was far from quiet, you could still hear the karaoke and it was pretty bad too. We weren't here for meat or vegetables, we were here to catch some ghostly activity. As we walked in we were met by Gareth the head ghost hunter. Gareth has been investigating for 9 years after having what he called some "odd experiences", but had never actually seen a ghost. Upstairs Gareth and his team had set up a hub of high tech equipment and there were a number of people of various ages buzzing around. It looked like they had robbed cash converters. The team had been setting up cameras and video equipment for some time, they even seemed to know what they were doing too. There was also a range of hand held electrical items laid out on a desk, things like a four in one meter, a head torch, digital trifield emf meter etc, all the usually stuff to help find a ghost or two.
 The hub.

After a quick health and safety briefing and a conversation about whether or not steam is a ghost, we went on our first walk around looking. Amanda and Daniel (Daniel was a girl) took us down to the basement. They have been looking for ghosts for over a year. They told us they had heard whispers and screaming but had never seen anything and they also agreed that steam isn't a ghost. In the basement they showed us some of their equipment and we showed them ours.
 Female ghost busters with Eggsy in the Basement.

 Eggsy had been given a carbon monoxide sensor in case a ghost tried to gas us and I had a flash light for seeing ghosts if it was too dark. We were told that the basement of Newport Market used to be a slaughter house so we turned off the lights and made animal noises to try to communicate with the dead.
We had been in the building for about 20 minutes and hadn't seen a ghost yet.
Eggsy checks for ghosts with a carbon monoxide sensor.

Back on the ground floor Amanda told us a ghost story, a woman came to get some jewellery fixed and died and then came back to get it as a ghost……. there was more to it than that I think but it wasn't that scary, so we called out to the old woman. She didn't reply.
Searching for ghosts in the tower.

The four of us moved upstairs to the office area then on to the third floor and into the tower, still no ghosts. Eggsy was looking worried. It turned out he had seen a film in the 80s called "The Entity" where a ghost "interfered" with someone and he was a bit scared the same thing may happen to him. The girls knew what we meant but assured him we would be safe with them. We went higher up the tower into an area that looked like murders and dismemberments had taken place but all we found were some dead pigeons.
 Dead pigeon.

The girls told us banging had bean heard in these rooms when they last did an overnight ghost hunt here. We continued our accent to the top room of the tower. Suddenly Eggsy remembered his next door neighbour had owned a stall in the market, his name was Roy Treharne. Roy was now dead so the four of us took turns calling out to Roy and his dog. After a good five minutes we were going to give up, and then we heard a noise, a soft bump, was this Roy? The walkie talkies buzzed into action, there was much confusion and as word came back from the hub it appeared we were in the tower alone.
 Calling out to Roy.

It must have been Roy or his dog trying to communicate with us! The girls logged the incident and it was time to return to the hub, we were all excited and very pleased that we had made contact. When we got back we discovered that other members of the group had been in the base of the tower and heard us calling out. They didn't want to scare us and the noise we heard was a door closing as they left.
It had been an intense forty minutes ghost hunting and it was time to review the evidence. We hadn't seen anything.  We hadn't felt anything either and the only noise we had heard was made by living humans. In fact it turned out that over the nine years of investigating none of the team had seen anything remotely like a ghost.
 Back at the hub.

Gareth showed us a blurred picture taken on their last visit to Newport Market. I guess it could have been a ghost if you squinted really hard. We thanked the ghost hunters and called time on our ordeal. Eggsy didn't get interfered with, which was a shame, but we had been assured that steam is not a ghost so we left feeling we had learned something. Eggsy and I repaired to the dark streets outside.
As we left the market the karaoke was still pumping and the streets were alive with night time revellers. We suddenly realised that the outside of the market on the walk home was a lot scarier than the ghost hunt and that the living are in fact a lot more frightening than the dead.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

CARDIFEST September 1st 2012

We got into the van to head to west Wales. Adam was ready for the summer.

We had to stop after 20 minutes, nothing ever changes.
Greyham spent the money he had been given on some flying lessons.
 And Mike played his second favourite game, he didn't win.
 After a few more miles and a few more beers we arrived at sunny west wales somewhere near Cardigan.
Our old mate and sound engineer Doctor Cum was doing our sound, he had driven down himself with a big mixing desk he had wanted to try out for the first time since he bought it on Ebay.
 We were shown to our tent.
 Which we quickly destroyed!
 Greyham and Mike pretended to be farmers for a bit.
 And me and Maggot went to check out the festival.
 We found a dude with a meat train.
 Then we saw Mysti from a distance, he was heading at speed to the rave tent.
 Which he let rip in for several hours. We left him there to the sound of hardcore cheese.
Billy and I got a Burrito which was lush!
 Later Maggot and Mysti turned up back at the tent as a new techno out fit called the Burger Twins.
Later that night they changed the name to the Runny Bum Brothers and the next day they decided the Worm Egg Boys was more appropriate. Ruff!
 As the evening drew on and the night became cold some of the boys had a quiz in the tent.
 One by one we all found solace in the warmth of the bus and Steve the bus driver's heavy metal and 70 rock collection.
 We were meant to be rocking the main stage but Doctor Cum couldn't get his desk to work.
 Eventually after 30 minutes of Doctor Cum trying to work out how to turn the desk on we were ready to go on.
 It was a great gig once it finally got going. Two kids came on stage and did some dancing.
 Big G got a woman on his neck.
 Greyham climbed a pole and the crowd went nuts.
 After the gig some of the boys hugged and licked faces.
 We met some of the party goers and said our thank you's and goodbye's.
 Then it was straight into the van and straight to sleep for the long ride home.

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Osfest 3rd June 2012

We all met up for the trip to play Osfest for the third year running. 
2hats brought a box of cider so we knew it was going to be a good trip.
Mike Balls had had most of his teeth removed a week before and was sporting a plasterwhere they drained the puss out of his neck.
It was a long old way and we had to stop every 20 miles for people to have a piss break.
But we got back in the bus and had a good time!
We eventually arrived at the festival site, Maggot was very pleased to be there.
Greyham was thirsty after the long journey and had a few drinks.
We went for a walk around and found a tent where some girls were giving away drinks made by the dude who is trying to bring the taste of Jamaica to the super markets.
To be fair it pissed on Lilt.
Everyone was having a good time.
We met up with Razorlight and had a few drinks and talked about old times.
Maggot had a nice chat with Terry Bossons from 6 Towns radio.
He has got lovely hair.
We had a few snaps with the revelers and even a royal.
Then it was time to put some clothes on and get ready for the gig.
Greyham went for the Red Dwarf look.
Adam wanted to let people who he was as he had been called Maggot by a group of girls in the street recently.
Then we started our walk to the stage.
It was pissing it down so we took the van instead. We ended up waiting about 30 minutes behind the stage in the bus.
We finished off the box of cider and Greyham had a pint of pink wine.
This set us up for a good show!
It was a very wet day but the crowd were having a great time and so were we.
After the show we went back stage for the after show curry.
And 2hats enjoyed the free cocktails supplied by Levi Roots and his women.
Billy got proper stuck into the curry and went back for thirds.
Just before we left Mike Balls was kissed by a man.
What a great day it had been for him!
We had had an awesome day out and a skin full, it was time to get in a cold bus and try not to be sick on the long journey home.
We made it back and no one had been sick.
Thanks Osfest, you knows it!

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