Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Pontardawe arts centre 15th August 2014

 We got to the Pontardawe arts centre and we were greeted by a trolly of booze, which was nice.
 We decided to see what the town centre had to offer us to eat as we were kind of hungry.
 The boys went for Emma's kebab shop, Greyham had a pizza that took 35 minutes to make.
 The venue was lush!
 They also had a pay phone, I hadn't seen one of these since the early 90s so I had to have a go.
 Mike, Adam and Billy turned up really late as they had been doing some basic organization in Newport.
 Then we got ready to do the show.
 And we had hardly touched the brandy.
 The show was awesome.
 DJ Killer Tomato was having a great time.
 This guy with no teeth got up on stage, I think he was on mephadrone. Actually I think half the town was on it too.
 After the show the boys were feeling alive.
 We were going to V festival the next day, so there was just enough time for a piss in an alley way and then we got on the bus.
 Of course we had to stop at the services.
 Where DJ Killer Tomato got some women's shade for £15.99
Safe Pontardawe, knows it!

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

The Aire do Festival 2nd August 2014




 We were off up to Keighley to play Arie do Festival so I thought I better start the day with a posh breakfast. I went for the three sausages.
 We got in the van and went to the services coz the other boys were not as organized as me.

 They had cheaper lower, quality meat products than I me, mostly in bread with unwanted salad.
 We got back in the van and Billy got out the few bottles of Old Rosie he had been saving for when Brazil won the World Cup. Brazil hadn't won the World Cup.
 A few hundred miles later and the Old Rosie came out the other end looking much the same. We could have pulled over for Billy to go but he said he likes a challenge.
 We drove into the hills, it's a bit like that TV cop show with Wicksy out of East Enders. 
Heart Beat... That's the one.
 We found the festival, last time we played up this way we played on the back of a flat bed lorry in the car park for a vegetable wholesalers. We had a hotel room for a dressing room normally used by people who had just got out of prison. It was awesome.
 This dressing room wasn't much different, it was the kind of place they would store dead bodies in the war.
 Then we were told there was a sex tent round the back we could use.
 Eggsy put the pole to good use, I tipped him a tenner.
 Adam and Billy were having a great day out.
 We got ready to go on and this lady came up to us and asked if she could come on as a  back up dance, of course we said yes.
 We were ready to rave.
 The festival was wikked, they even got an AFH 600 smoke machine and we had only asked for the 500.
 We went on and the crowd went nuts.
 Because we were behind a load of flowers.
 The crowd's average age was 11, but they were having a good time.
 They had cider on for the grown ups, which was nice.
 After the show we went back to the make shift mortuary for a bit.
 Then went out to watch K Klass do their piano house music.
 It was good and we had a dance.
 Mike was feeling the rush.
 Just as K Klass came off we were given six pizzas. They were good but they were on paper plates all on top of one another. All the cheese from the pizzas stuck to the plates on top. It was lush, we still scrapped off all the cheese and ate it. At one point Billy considered eating one of the paper plates.
 We also had chips too.
 After the top quality food we went to buy some light ale at a local petrol station for the journey home.
 Via seven service station stops.
Aire do was lush!

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Y-not Festival 31st July 2014

 Back on the bus and we were off to Tony's festival that was called Y-not!
 We got in the van and were itching to get to the services, it had been a while.
 Today it was The National Forest area, lush.
 Mike had given up on the game so Adam decided to waste a fiver trying to get some fake Dr Dre type headphones.
 We also found the new tour bus.
 We drove for miles and miles.
 And eventually found a festival.
 Luckily it was the right one!
 We after a walk we found the dressing room area and met some people who had been at the festival since Tuesday.
 Then this nutter came over and spent ten minutes trying to get the top off a bottle of beer. She didn't stop laughing and she tried to show DJ Killer Tomato her flaps, I think she was on strong drugs.
 We got organized as it was nearly time.
 Then it was time.
 The place was rocking.
We had a great time.
 And did all them songs we do.
 And the festival wasn't even open officially yet.
 The show was good and Adam didn't break a sweat, Mike was knackered.
 DJ Killer Tomato rammed in five portions of the food they provided and this was after I found a used condom in mine. We were unsure if it was pork, beef or lamb. Someone had heard it was actually tuna.
 We spoke to a few people who were pretending to be journalists.
 And got back on the bus.
Adam made some cups out of a water bottle and proceeded to drink all my Whiskey.
 We stopped a few time on the way back.
 It was an awesome day out, thanks Tony!
 DJ Killer Tomato slept most of the way home on the pillow he brought from home.
It was caked in cum stains.
Safe.

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