Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Free Food Celtic Manor March 1st 2014

 We had been invited up to Newport's best hotel and golf club, The Celtic Manor, for some free food and to make the numbers up. 
We started the night in the local pub.
 We thought we should dress up a bit so we decided the best look was a snooker referee / sexual vampire look. Not sure we pulled it off.
 Either way we had made an effort and that's what counts in the Big Dinner scene apparently.
 We were going to the second most stylish place in Newport so we decided to hire a shit limo.
 They had free "bubbly" aka some crap they got for £1:99 down Lidl that stank of fish and was probably out of date. Adam was not impressed.
 On the other side of the sex wagon Graham thought he had won the lottery.
 We turned up after the driver took a 45 minute detour round Alway.
 There were loads of people there and they were all talking really loud. We couldn't understand anything they were saying.
 So we went and sat down and waited for the food.
 Graham was loving the 1st course which was bread.
 Adam and Billy found a chocolate fountain, it was like 2hat's stag all over again but with out the prostitutes.
 Back at the table, Eggsy was getting to know some of the guest and entertaining them with a story about the smell of raw meat on a hot day.
 We found out the bread wasn't the starter. They gave us some fish paste and then the main course arrived. I think it was beef. 
It seemed like they had under estimated how many people were turning up. I hope they didn't run out of food.
 Then we got a futuristic desert with a biscuit.
 Graham was very confused by the food and asked if we could stop at Mcdonalds on the way back.
 By now Adam had drunk most of the booze on the table and was about to go round nicking booze of the other tables.
 Then they brought 2 weeks supply of cheese. I couldn't finish it so I had to take most of it home. My tracksuit top still stinks of Gorgonzola.
 We caught up with George North who we hadn't seen for years, he still wouldn't take our advise and play football instead.
Then they made us hold up some signs.
 And then is was back in the cut and shut.
 They only had one CD, rock classics. Graham had had an amazing night.
  We went straight to Mcdonalds.

Keele SU january 29th 2014

 The fun and games began with Killer Tomato having a 3 course meal at the Ridgeway.
Then we all got in the van and it kicked off coz Billy had brought 24 bottles of Old Rosie. If you haven't tried it don't start drinking it at 9am on your wedding day, it won't end well.
 Before you could say "get me a motorway breakfast", we were having a motorway breakfast.
 Graham The Bear took his outside and asked the driver to flatten it by reversing over it.
 Mike lost 16 quid trying to win a minor prize.
 And we got back in the van and went to Keele Uni, which we had played before but no one could really remember.
 They had Kettle chips, Mike had never seen them before and he tried to boil them up and make tea out of them. It wasn't bad actually.
 DJ Killer Tomato showed us how to scratch.
 And finger.
 We did a sound check and all agreed the sound was OK.
 We weren't on till like 2:30am or something so the Uni ordered us 20 Domino's pizzas. we ate every one.
 Adam had Plop Trumps for Christmas, Mysti was loving it.
 Then we all got into some brightly colored leisure wear.
 And got ready to do some raps.
 Eggsy got us in the mood by drawing us a picture.
 And then it was time.
 A lot of the students had mobile phones for Christmas and were keen to show them off.
 We did the songs and Graham went all Third Reich which was different.
 Graham had a wicked time and was of to put and end to the Weimar Republic.
 After the gig we ate the boxes the pizzas came in coz we were smashed.
 There was sex in the air that night.
Thanks Keele!

Sunday, 5 January 2014

Sheffield Corperation 7th November Sheffield 2013

Another run of dates saw us up bright and early again. DJ Killer Tomato had brought a flask of hot whiskey with him.
After an hour of buffling they all got on the bus.
Eggys who was really feeling the out door spirit thought he would bring a tent and a sleeping bag, he couldn't get the tent up in the van though.
1st stop was the services.
Where Adama had bought his DOPE cap earlier in the tour.
Then they went to another services.

 And one more for good luck.
 Seven hours later they got to Sheffield.
 Maggot went straight for a romantic meal as he had had gastric flu and hadn't eaten for three days, he had lost a quarter of his body weight.
 Back at the venue Eggs had a desk and some bananas.
 And some people came back to give Graham a gold stereo, he was well happy.
 Then, after Maggot's food had gone down and Graham had had nine ciders, it was time to go on.
 Mike did some raps.
 And so did Maggot.
 It was a good gig.
 People liked it, some had traveled miles to see us.
 It was shaping up to be a good night and Mike even pulled.
 They met some men and one had a beard.
 Graham was really happy to be alive.
 Adam sat in the office and put the world to rights over a can of Red Stripe.
 Then they got in the van.
 And went to Sheffield's finest Travelodge.
 And stayed up till the small hours feasting on fine wine and high class foods from around the world!
Good times!

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