Sunday, 7 September 2014

Witcombe Cider festival 23rd August 2014

 We were playing in Gloucestershire, so we didn't have to travel far.
I met up late afternoon with DJ Killer Tomato who had had an operation on his foot to remove a thing.
 We were hungry and it was time for curry.
 So we banged one in real quick.
 We met the others and went straight to the services on the M5.
 The journey took no time and soon we were on site in a tent, Eggsy was well happy.
 Me and DJ Killer Tomato felt well ripped off when we saw the luxury sandwiches they had provided.
 We signed some stuff.
 And went off to explore.
 There was a huge tent full of ciders from around the world.
 Adam took control and went to get him and Graham some cider.
 It turn out Adam hadn't chosen wisely.
 They didn't like the cider and said it tasted like fish and arse so Graham left them by the bin.
In fact because most people were on the cider the whole place smelt pretty much of strong apple farts.
Everyone else was enjoying the cider though, I think they are just too used to Strongbow.
Graham found the stage.
 We bumped into some people.
 And I had a snap with a lady who had taken a photo of me and her ten years ago.
She looked a lot older where as I have hardly changed, in fact I actually look younger than I did ten years ago.
 Adam and Mike found the dodgems which were blasting out the usuall crap house music you only hear at fair grounds, I have no clue where they get it, maybe they make it themselves. 
There were some boys hanging out at the dodgems who were throwing bottles at the people doing the Zorbing so I went back to the tent.
 Where Eggsy had been talking to this woman about camper vans for two hours, apparently she has had the same one since 1986.
 It got dark and the Scratch Perverts went on the decks.
 We got ready to go on and some competition winners came to say hello.
Mike was well excited.
We spoke to a lady called Sharron for a bit, who was pretending to work for Radio One.
 Then it was time.
 It was a cider rave!
 And the second best gig we have done on the back of a flat bed lorry.
 After the gig Graham and Adam had turned into The Krankies.
 And we met some more of the people who had come to drink cider and see us.
 It was a great festival.
 Just as it all started to get a bit weird, we made our excuses and left.
 By now the services were closed and it was only WHSmiths that was open.
 It was only 60 miles to Newport but Little Kelly Jones had to have three pisses out of the window on the way.
Thanks you Witcombe Cider Festival.

Monday, 1 September 2014

V Festival Hyland Park 17th August 2014

We woke up early in a hotel somewhere after playing V festival in Stafford the night before.
 There was a posh supermarket round the corner doing a reasonably priced breakfast so we got well involved.
 We were in a bit of a rush so Eggsy decided to go and buy some Hi-Tec shoes across the other side of the town.
 And bang! we were at the services.
Then we drove for a bit and hit up South Mimms!
 It wasn't long before we were at the festival site, you can tell when you are getting near coz it's crawling with coppers.
As soon as be got back stage Mike Balls got the cocktails going!
 We spoke to a few people about stuff.
 Some of the boys stayed in the cabin trying to save energy for the show.
 Graham decided to get a haircut.
 DJ Killer Tomato met his favourite drum and bass singer Miss Becky Hill, he is in love with her.
 Then it was time to get involved and go find the stage.
 We went out into the crowd and met some heads.
 I think Oasis had just played or something.
 We were having a great time meeting the festival goers.
 Then, all of a sudden, it was all code red. The security guards, not happy with not actually being the real police, decided it was 1980 again and put us on lock down.
 After a few words they called base and confiscated our signs coz they thought we might cause a riot.
I felt incredibly sorry for these people.
 It didn't really matter coz there was more of us that there was of them and some of us ran away!
 We carried on our way to the stage.
 There was a lot of love out there.
 There were some good looks out there too.
 We made it to the stage just in time.
 Even one of our signs made it too, rescued by a Mr Paul Daniels (not the magic one)
 Eggsy had put his all green outfit on and the crowd loved it.
 We even got them to do the conga, a bit.
 The crowd at V are always pretty good.
 And then it was done.
 All over as quick as it had begun.
 Then it was time to get smashed. Back at the back stage area we got a bloke to pour a bottle of sparkling wine into a bucket of piss.
 And then we got graham to drink it!
 It got late, stuff happened.
 It turns out it was all worth it, I found this on the internet the next day.
Finally we have been mentioned by someone in the same breath as TVs Joe Swash!

YES! !!

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