We had been invited up to Newport's best hotel and golf club, The Celtic Manor, for some free food and to make the numbers up.
We started the night in the local pub.
We thought we should dress up a bit so we decided the best look was a snooker referee / sexual vampire look. Not sure we pulled it off.
Either way we had made an effort and that's what counts in the Big Dinner scene apparently.
We were going to the second most stylish place in Newport so we decided to hire a shit limo.
They had free "bubbly" aka some crap they got for £1:99 down Lidl that stank of fish and was probably out of date. Adam was not impressed.
On the other side of the sex wagon Graham thought he had won the lottery.
We turned up after the driver took a 45 minute detour round Alway.
There were loads of people there and they were all talking really loud. We couldn't understand anything they were saying.
So we went and sat down and waited for the food.
Graham was loving the 1st course which was bread.
Adam and Billy found a chocolate fountain, it was like 2hat's stag all over again but with out the prostitutes.
Back at the table, Eggsy was getting to know some of the guest and entertaining them with a story about the smell of raw meat on a hot day.
We found out the bread wasn't the starter. They gave us some fish paste and then the main course arrived. I think it was beef.
It seemed like they had under estimated how many people were turning up. I hope they didn't run out of food.
Then we got a futuristic desert with a biscuit.
Graham was very confused by the food and asked if we could stop at Mcdonalds on the way back.
By now Adam had drunk most of the booze on the table and was about to go round nicking booze of the other tables.
Then they brought 2 weeks supply of cheese. I couldn't finish it so I had to take most of it home. My tracksuit top still stinks of Gorgonzola.
We caught up with George North who we hadn't seen for years, he still wouldn't take our advise and play football instead.
Then they made us hold up some signs.
And then is was back in the cut and shut.
They only had one CD, rock classics. Graham had had an amazing night.
We went straight to Mcdonalds.