Northumbria Uni Newcastle 4th October 2013

Mike got up early to get himself some processed meat.

We had stayed in Briton's worst travel lodge, the room I was in had in insect infestation and the pull out beds had mold and dried puke on them, so basically it was home from home.

 In the blink of an eye we were at the services.

 Maggot had gone nuts for salad, it was the only thing he was eating on this tour.

 On the bus Mike got into some serious sounds, he has been listening to a lot of new wave jazz progressive funk crossover recently, at least that's what he calls it.

 We decided one service stop simply wasn't enough so we stopped off at Woolley Edge which has taken a pasting recently in the magazine What Services.

We gave it a good 7 to 8 out of 10.

 Maggot was experiencing lumber problems and bought a giant banana.

 It really made a difference on the long journey in a 17 seater scum bus.

 After a few long hours traveling we arrived at the venue and Mike got straight into it with a crisp sandwich, his second favorite meal.

 Me, Maggot and Eggsy went into town. Big up the Elden Square massive.

 After some super hot food we went back and got ready to do the gig.

 It was basically a bar in a students union.

 They had turned the smoke machine up to 11!

 Graham decided to get the audience up onto the stage to try and clear the smoke.

 After the gig we met some fans.

 We met some nice people.

 And had a few drinks.

 Billy shared his sweat with the fans.

 Some people had come from as far as South Shields.

 Notice Graham's "eyes of a killer" in the picture below.

It was another banging night!

Massive respect to Newcastle.

Thekla Bristol 3rd October 2013

Graham arrived just as we were about to leave Bournemouth. 

He had been out raving all night and turned up looking like the lead singer of Glasvags.

 We got on the road and went straight to the services.

 Mike had another go at winning his third rate tablet with wifi capability and failed.

 On the way to the gig we stopped off at Bristol Uni radio to speak to a guy with dyed ginger hair called Mister Fishy.

 Then we made it to the Thekla, it had taken seven hours to get here.

 Eggys and Maggot immediately went for a romantic meal.

 And Mike and Graham sampled life on a boat.

The satge was set and we sound checked, everything was ready for a great gig.

Chippdaddy, a 14 year old from Devises, turned up just in time to go on stage, he was supporting us on most of the tour.

Then it was our time to do a show.

  The crowd were rocking the boat!

 And we did all them songs and all that.

 The show had a major impact on Graham and his lack of sleep was getting to him.

 After we went and met the nice people who had come to see us.

 I think most people had a good time.

 Some people came with their moms.

 Others left the kids at home.

 This guy wrote a graphic novel about a talking penis or something and tried to read it to everyone, he is different from the others. He also had his horrible orange pubes coming out of his pants like a ginger pant mustache which made everyone physically sick.

 After a few drinks it was time to head to our posh hotel which had mold on the beds and should have been condemned.

It's always a good night out in Bristol, we can't wait to go back!

Bournemouth Old Fire Station 2nd October 2013

We woke up in a posh hotel. We thought it was a Travelodge!

We were wrong.

Graham got straight into ripping himself off by missing the free breakfast and going to the petrol station to get something in white bread that would irritate his hemorrhoids.

The first stop is always the services and usually within 20 minutes of leaving anywhere.

Graham decided to risk his health even further by eating off a noodle cart.

Some of the boys wasted 10 quid on shit CDs 

(this isn't really true as one of the CDs was Lovecraft by Super Furry Animals which was worth the price alone but the other Cds were shite).

Then all too soon we were in Bournemouth home of Mysti's infamous "rush, rush, rush" rant on the GLC Rapumentary.

Maggot had had enough for the 3 barrels brandy that we were being given on the tour already and it was only the second date.

We slammed out a quick sound check.

And went to book into what actually was a Travelodge. 

It turns out we were in a Holiday Inn last night, which was why it was so posh and had breakfast etc. We thought the tour was going to be all nice hotels, then reality set in as we had rooms with only one bed for 2 people... And that was the least of our trouble.

Back at the venue we decided to get on it and got into the 3 barrels.

Then we were ready to smash it.

It was nice to do the full set for the first time as we had only had 40 minutes at the Uni ball the previous night.

After the show we met some of the nice people who had come to see us.

Graham was well up for a party and we didn't see him again until we left the hotel the following morning.

Mike did a little sick as we were leaving... Classy.

Maggot was happy to be alive but fearful of what the following 18 shows would bring.

Some of us went back to the hotel some didn't, but we all had a good night!

Essex uni ball 1st October 2013

This was the first night of a 20 date tour so we thought it was best to take some of the seats out of the scum bus we had hired.

We got on the road and we were all well hungry except for Billy Webb who had prepared his own meat sandwiches with optional mustard.

We stopped at the services, which is when you know tour has actually started, and filled up on crap.

A lot has changed in 10 years of touring, Crispy Cream use to be something you caught off the toilet seats at the services, how things have changed!

Mike Balls had a new game to play and was hoping to win big and estimated he was going to spend over 45 quid on his quest on this tour to win a third rate tablet with wifi capability.

Graham was so exited he had a burger too.

And was truly amazed that you can now buy a pizza on a motorway.

We got to the gig late and went to sound check straight away. Wheatus, an 80s band, were on after us and had left strict instructions that we were not to touch any of their stuff.

Our dressing room was an office at the uni for sexual health, Mike found loads of pregnancy tests which proved once again he isn't pregnant.

He also brought the speakers he uses at home, which are from an early 90s personal computer which is odd as Mike never had a personal computer in the 90s.

Then it was time to confuse some students with music and swearing.

We tried not to touch Wheatus' stuff.

And maggot Maggot had a great time.

Mike was peaking 100% by the time we came off stage.

Then it was back to the office to watch Graham take off his clothes and sweat in a corner.

Gig one was done and we headed for Travelodge. We were back on the road!